Enough of the past....

What kept me from posting about the past is that it is still too hard for me. I still have problems walking, I still can't run, I still can't do cartwheels, I can't remember alot of things in my life. My short term memory is still a mess. Well, with exception of everything I went through.

I am epileptic. That started before my fall. When I was 19, I had my first one, siezure that is.Then I went 10 years before having my second.  In that time, I'd had my son, gotten divorced, started getting on with my life. I was in college, pursuing my dream of becoming an RN. My second one happened in April 2008, two months before my fall.

The brain injury made the siezures horrible. My first one happened when I was alone. I didnt remember it happening. I remember getting sick and then calling my mom at work, telling her I was tired and going to lay down, instead of going to therapy. When my mom and my son got home, they pointed out alot more things that I hadnt noticed. I had major bruises on my legs. My head and arm hurt horribly. I even had bruises on my face.

My mom knew what happened. She called my neurologist and told him she thought I'd had a siezure and to do something about it. So, he scheduled an MRI and an EEG for me. At first, I thought my mom was being a major worrier.

After the tests, I actually got a copy of the MRI and the report. Looking at the MRI itself, I learned that a small part of the frontal lobe, or under my forehead, had been removed. Must have been where the bleeding was.

So the siezures continued, until this very day. I've been on a total of 3 different meds, trying to find which ones work the best. I was having them every 6 weeks. Which, thats good compared to some people, who have them several times a day! But, I've learned, that's why I sleep for hours, almost the rest of the day, after I have a siezure.

Now, I'm at 2 months without a siezure. My son still freaks everytime a noise is made in my general area. He prays nightly that I wont have one in the morning. He constantly worries about me. Which I know a good child should, but Robert seems to get obsessive about it at times.

Dave, my boyfriend, is equally worried. Those two take care of me everyday. Dave shows alot of compassion when it comes to my health. I stay at home, but he is aware, with the medicines I take in the mornings, I'm likely to be asleep by 11 or 12. I'll sleep a few hours and then I'm fine. He understands the balance issues that I still have. He understands the thoughts I can't produce words for. He understands the forgetfulness I have alot of times.

I make jokes about my balance, or lack of. I name walls, things that I have to hold onto. I laugh things off, things that I simply can't control.

Another thing I lost from that fall was half my hearing. When I broke my skull, I broke the side of my head down, through the ear drum and through the joint of my jaw, all on the right side, opposite to where I'd hit my head on the concrete.

So, almost 3 years later, I've learned a little sign language. I still haven't adjusted to not hearing on that side. I'm not sure if I ever fully will. I mean, I had hearing on that side my whole life. Now...I don't.