Fast Forward to today...

Today, June 1, 2011. 6 more days to the anniversary that forever changed my life. 3 years ago to that date, was when I "fell". Now, with a brain injury that should've killed me, with deafness I still havent gotten used to, with forgetfullness that irritates me, and being heartbroken nearly everyday, I continue to fight on. One thing I've told my now 9yr old son, failure/quitting is NOT an option. No matter how hard life gets, at least I'm alive. At least I can now work with him in his soccer, even though I fall ALOT.
But, everyday is a battle for me. Family worrying about if I'm okay, because I spend alot of the day alone. Making sure I remember things to do that day, but not holding anything against me if I just cant get it done. The constant not hearing people saying things to me, not because I dont want to hear them, but now I barely can.
And, the broken heart, from what really happened that night. Knowing, in my heart, that I will never get justice. That he is already back out in the world, abusing some other poor girl, being even more egotistical in his abusing ways. Knowing what he has taught his 2 daughters. Praying that they somehow learn that abuse is not something they should tolerate.
I guess all of these things combined, they leave me feeling like some kind of failure. Moving back into my mom's house, I feel I should help her more, as to relieve her of her stresses. Like my friend says, even the smallest of tasks that I can do would help.
Maybe this time is just a reflection of me walking away, slowly, but sure enough, I did. In a way, I take pride in standing, saying to myself that I beat all the odds, and I changed completely for what happened. But today, and for the next few days, I, in some way, I mourn for what I could've been. Or, at least in some far away dream, who or what I could've been.
Now, at this point, I want to learn sign language to learn my way of "hearing" those close to me. I am fighting for the butterflies, that I've learned, they're not the only ones to metamorphisize. I know that I have. But, at what cost? I still wonder, to this day, if I had to lose so many things in order to walk right with Jesus. Who knows?